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Thursday, March 23, 2017

Since I got a job (second half)

In the early 50s I was a living life almost entirely at home except in my workplace.

I was depressed by alcoholism, I was disliked to interact with people, refused drinking party and drink alone at home was the only pleasure.

However, I was particularly hard on weekday mornings and I felt strong I thought that I do not want to go to work.
But I managed to go to work to live.
I had strong consciousness that I had to work to drink.

I had strong consciousness that I had to work to drink.
I learned that an alcohol-dependent friend died at the age of 60.
And I wanted to regain my life.

I could not consult anyone with the vanity I wore when I was young and I could not even go to the hospital.

I did not drink alcohol all day, but I can not sleep at night, my depressed mood was terrible, my hands also trembled.

My best source of information was the Internet.
I gathered information desperately to stop alcohol.In the net, it was only articles that there is no choice but to stop alcohol for treatment of alcoholism.

Even if they were hospitalized to stop alcohol, it was said that most people will be re-hospitalized.

I was convinced that I could not absolutely stop alcohol even I was hospitalized.

I stayed in the article of Zazen and was attracted.
I thought that Zazen is a good way to cure myself dependent on alcohol.
I bought a book of Zazen and studied, I started to do Zazen everyday.

Initially I do Zazen every morning for 15 minutes and gradually increased it to 30 minutes.
I tried Zazen for 3 months and then started to do it twice in the morning and evening.

I sometimes could not do Zazen by physical condition, but I tried keeping it as much as possible.

When I continued the Zazen for six months, I felt a pleasant pleasure during the Zazen, and I felt a very happy mood.

The more I do Zazen, the more often I feel the happy feeling.
This happiness cured my state of depression.
And it really felt that life was a wonderful thing.
It was discovered in recent brain science that serotonin comes out in the brain by doing Zazen, and it becomes happy feeling.

I understand intuitively that I can cure alcohol addiction by doing a Zazen.

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